5 times Ted Cruz made us laugh

Jimmy Kimmel recently compared Ted Cruz to a Blob Fish
Jimmy Kimmel recently compared Ted Cruz to a Blob Fish

Ted Cruz: To know him is to love him. That glorious dad bod. The greasy side part. His steadfast support of a president who mercilessly mocked him before millions during televised presidential debates. That grating Warren T. Rat voice. But, most of all, we love Ted because he makes us laugh. Over the years, Ted’s delivered so many gut busters, it’s hard to keep track. Well, here are five times Ted Cruz made us laugh that will send you chortling down memory lane. Continue reading 5 times Ted Cruz made us laugh

Is mooching immoral?

Joey the mooch
Joey the mooch

We all know a mooch: the coworker who borrows a dollar and never pays it back, the friend who invites you to a bar and then can’t pay their own tab, the first date who orders the lobster-stuffed, caviar-encrusted filet mignon and doesn’t even offer so much as a rim job in return (that bitch).

Anyway, I was recently fuming over a mooch when I thought: Why am I so pissed? I mean, I knew this motherfucker was worthless, so it’s not like what they did was a surprise. And that led me to a bigger question: Is mooching immoral? I mean, is my moral outrage even justified? Well, to answer that question, we’ll first need to cover the typology of moochery. Continue reading Is mooching immoral?

I’m all out of give-a-shit: the difference between giving a shit and giving a shit about pretending to give a shit

Bow Ties Blue and Red Fucking AnarchistI bought Sarah Knight’s The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck the other day. It was one of those caffeinated-out-of-your-mind-while-wandering-around-Barnes-&-Noble kind of decisions. I’ve read about half of it now and have to say that it’s something of a primer. The reality is that, as Knight herself attests, she’s something of a #zerofucksgiven newb. I meanwhile have been giving zero fucks for most of my life. While a funny book that imparts advice many people really need to hear; as a primer, Knight’s book misses much of the nuance involved in not giving a fuck. So I’ve dedicated this blog post  to one of those nuances. Continue reading I’m all out of give-a-shit: the difference between giving a shit and giving a shit about pretending to give a shit

Why redneck women are so hot: the theory of Natural Light selection

I whiled away my teenage years and much of my twenties in Northwest Florida where rural communities are plentiful as are the redneck women and men who inhabit them. And a question that came up again and again was: Why are there so many beautiful women living out in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere? I mean, you stop in one of those towns where the gas station is also the general store–you go inside and it’s like a mini Walmart/redneck petting zoo–and this mud-caked pickup truck pulls up beside you, and out hops this gorgeous woman with long, flowing hair, a golden tan and a six pack that Ciara would muff-dive Monica for; and she’s wearing camouflage and hunter orange; and the guy riding shotgun has a beer gut, neck hair and a half-empty Natural Light can for a spit cup; and you think: What the fuck? Continue reading Why redneck women are so hot: the theory of Natural Light selection