Several years ago, a friend and I came up with the idea for a show called The Show Show. The idea was to create a fictional talk show about other nonexistent shows. Whether the idea was meta or stupid doesn’t much matter since it never got off the ground. But I did write one script for a skit for the first episode. In it, the host interviews a self-proclaimed Satanic priest who wants to develop a TV show to broadcast his beliefs to the unwashed masses.
The Satanic Perspective: S1E1
Priesty: You know, it’s gonna be a show about a Satanist, but funny. Yeah, because people let their guard down for comedy; so, even though it’s basically a lampoon, I’ll be able to express my–i mean, the CHARACTER will be able to express his ideology. I think it’s important for any show, no matter how slapstick, to look out for its characters and treat them with respect. I mean, if a show doesn’t take itself seriously, then no one’s going to take it seriously.
[Cut to interviewer who is making funny faces.]
Priesty: Look at The Three Stooges or, I dunno, Tom Goes To the Mayor. These are very Theban comedies that express the overwhelming angst inherant in trying to be a man in this Immasculation Era. These are Sophoclean tragedies for the postmodern age, full of self-sublimating themes and bitter irony. The modern tragedy comes wrapped in the packaging of disposable, flash-in-the-pan media. The medium is half the message. With time, the packaging loses meaning, and the message slips to the forefront.
[Cut to video of Priesty on a street corner waving a Satanic Bible with a bucket at his feet with some change in it.]
Priesty: The Demiurge is a deceiver. Taus-e Malak will overthrow the false-god Ahoramazda. The humanist scum will not survive the holocaust! Give yourself to Lucifer and be purified in the flames of Hell! Satan Saves! Ave Satanas!
[A passerby tosses some pennies into the bucket.]
Priesty: *Thankyou* …Do not follow the pide piper religions of popular and depraved culture. We are not sheep. We are not cattle. Your god is dead because you are dead–
[A passerby tosses a cheeseburger in the bucket as a car drives by with a teenager hanging out the wiindow yelling, “Fuck you, baser!”]
[Cut to interview.]
Priesty: I’m not proselytizing. That’s not what I’m doing.
Interviewer: So, if Hell is where you want to go, then where can all the unwashed masses expect to repose for all eternity?
[Priesty looking perplexed]
[Cut to Priesty on street corner. An old woman is beating him with an oversized purse.]
Old Lady: –bad, bad man. You’re a very bad, bad man!
[Cut to interview.]
Priesty: The cosmogony is so ludicrous, the message so commercial, I feel compelled to speak out against it.
Interviewer: So you are comdemning all of the major religions? They’ve all got it wrong. That is what you’re saying. Just “throw ’em out,” eh?
[Interviewer empties a bucket full of water and a babydoll on the ground. Cut to Priesty looking skepticle.]
[Cut to Priesty running away from the old woman. He throws his bucket of loose change at her.]
[Cut to interviewer and Priesty with the puddle of water and baby doll lying between them.]
Interviewer: Well, there you have it, world. Our guest today has been [some long, drawn-out, gothic-sounding name]. I’m Fred here at the Show Show–the show about your show–saying “Good night and sleep tight,” and when you’re counting those sheep don’t forget to bray.
[Cut to Priesty at another location enjoying his cheeseburger.